Its been awhile...

Sorry folks! its been close to 2months since i last updated my blog! Sorry to all my fans who have been waiting for a new post to pop-up. I'm finally blogging because a number of fanatics of my blog have requested that i do so. Either they want to know What The Bitch (me!) is Up to or just are overly concerned about a friend (so dramatic). Whatever, KPO! that's what you fanatics are ;P

In a nutshell, nothing mentionable has happened in the last 2months?! Been trying to Mug! hard (or should i say, study smart?) for my preliminary examinations and upcoming Alevels. At the point of time, with all my prelim results received, i must say I Do Not Know Where I'm Heading Too! My grades improved, somewhat, or at least now i know my content work (besides econs!). So I'm confident enough to say that I improved. I do not know if i should blame my college for having set demanding papers or should i be happy that they tapping on our unawakened (more likely ignorant) knowledge. Well, honestly, some papers were UP there (like fuck like that) and most of them were Do-able! My grades on the other hand, didn't turn out good for either. Lol!

Right now right here, I'm lost. The more work/revision/mock papers/testes I do, the more my momentum urges to come to a halt. Scary! Cant let that happen. But! that's the only thing up in my head right now; Ah! Fuck! Can I Don't Study Anymore! Oh well, it would be pointless of me to have come come so far and just give up right now so I shall just Go with the flow! (so close, yet so far) Everyone Mugs now! So I tooo shall Mug! (following blind mic es isn't that bad after all eh!)I cant grantee myself that i would get good grades for Alevels but I'm hopping my efforts do pay off and somehow my faith does not let me down again! Einstein said; Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment. Full effort is full victory. Henceforth, on my part I Shall "TRY" (please, cant afford to gamble Alevels alright!) and put in all the effort of mine! I just hope i don't loose momentum!

And and, there is, technically speaking, no one (not parents, not my sibling, not my besties, not my friends) to motivate me! or take me out for a breakaway! Everyone seems overly caught up with their own stuffs. Cant blame them either! But anyway, you should care! shouldn't you! (You better feel guilty reading this COS you are not helping me! ;P)

Jane Ng! (my doe!) and Kede are on their attachment programme in the Yellow Land and I'm missing them like Hell! Jane is awesomely supper missed! Haiz!

To Jane! n Kede : Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St Vincent Millay

And and and, i think I'm flirting big time?! Goosh! Not sure if that's a consequence of being stressed? (lol!) but yeah i know I'm flirting! And, CHEEEBYE AH! I'm starting to miss the Mowgli Bitch! To that bitch specially : Eh bitch! I hope you understand I'm like terribly caught up with school work. Hoping you understand why I'm not buzzing you around as often! (..somehow its for the better too...) Nevertheless, you run through my mind (you are ought to know this!) and somehow, it fears me to sms or call you right now?! don't ask why! Can i like make a PLEAD that you take me out? Please............................? well, sometimes, somethings are worth remembering :)

Raya was alright. Economic downturn had adverse effect on my green packets! but not going to complain about that. Hope the idiots that came over had good food and not so bad time at my place?!

And and and and, don't know why but I feel like Smoking/Drinking/having you know _ _ _ nowadays! Haiz! I don't wanna be like Rhianna! (good girl go bad then Kenna whack by Chris brown!)

Talking abt celeb! How can i forget Boomz! OMG! Miss.Ris Low! seriously, what were the judges thinking? God! Its the worst i have EVER SEEN yet! I always knew Miss Singapore would never make it big but Ris Low indeed proved me wrong by becoming Awesomely Famous! Please, Khaki Green DOES NOT GO WELL WITH ZEBRA-AA PRINTS! You know....! You know...! She is the walking joke of Singapore! (yeah, probably the bikini and orchard tooo!)

And something nice for you people;

Look to this day:
For it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course
Lie all the verities and realities of your existence.
The bliss of growth,
The glory of action,
The splendour of achievement
Are but experiences of time.

For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision;
And today well-lived, makes
Yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well therefore to this day;
Such is the salutation to the ever-new dawn!

Here goes...

I THINK ABOUT YOU. SO WHAT?! Give us a chance please...

Vow, do i need to do it again?

When things are confused
I discuss them with you
until they make sense
When something good happens
you are the first person I tell
so I can share my happiness
When I don't know what to do in a situation
I ask your opinion
and weigh it heavily with mine
When I am lonely
I call you
because I never feel alone with you...
When I have a problem
I ask for your help
because your wiseness helps me to solve it
When I want to have fun
I want to be with you
because we have such a great time together
When I want to talk to someone
I always talk to you
because you understand me
When I want the truth about something
I call you
because you are honest
Honest as you are,
I'm getting worried
What you do
makes me fear
fear; i might not get you
fear; things will change between us
fear; things will happen with others
Am i being jealous?
Do i have to right to be so?
Don't want to be stuck at the pinnacle at where i was
i don't want to Vow and make me seem desperate
yet again
But, should the need arise,
here am i saying,
nothing has changed emotionally
Do want to flirt
Do want to hang on to you long
Do want to spend as much time as possible
Do want your happiness, your joy, your smile,
Your previous reply,
i have to adhere to,
putting my exact feelings aside,
making myself seem less than more curious,
i have no choice
you wanted it your way
Cant you just consider doing it all with me?
I don't want to make the re-Vow

No more tears to cry

This time i look into the mirror,
I see a whole new reflection,

No one behind me,
No shadows,

No light,
My confidence and believe lost within in,
Nothing but dismay,
Nothing but despair,

Nothing but distention,

Nothing but decay,

Each time i see this,

I want to cry,
When i have no tears to cry,
Pain and failure pierces through,

Yet the heart doesn't bleed,

Is it so difficult to cry it all out?

It rained today

It rained today! Walked under it yet again just because i wanted to! Nostalgic feelings as it glided throuh my face, unforgotten memories washed away. For a moment, i jumped and felt like a child, with no problems, no responsiblities and nothing to care about. Just a wonderful walk home in the rain.

The first drop of rain that fell on me, where had you been?
The poetry that you wrote today, where had you been?
The cold breeze that woke me up, where had you been?
The music of rain that mesmerize me, where had you been?
Within me, untapped upon, unwake, till today, just another child again.

Light rain-drops fall and wrinkle the sea,
Then vanish, and die utterly.
One would not know that rain-drops fell
If the round sea-wrinkles did not tell.
So souls come down and wrinkle life
And vanish in the flesh-sea strife.
One might not know that souls had place
Were't not for the wrinkles in life's face.

How does it feel to walk away?

How does it feel to walk away?
How do you walk away when you know not where you are going?
Yet,
I want to walk away, away from everything,
Everything that walks into me,
My dreams,
My ambitions,
My determination,
My exterior,
My real interior,
My everything that i have lost and will loose,
Myself
and
You.
It hurts even when it heals
It pains every time I fall,
fall off my dreams,
fall off my expectations,
fall off my effort,
fall off myself for you,
It hurts. I should continue walking.

Longside, I hope you walk with me,
A distance which i would remember,
A memory I wouldn't want to walk away from,
A dream we would both take,
Just walk longside with me,

Would you walk with me?

What Kind Of Dream Is This?

First and foremost, forgive me for not updating. Life has been really draining. Totally. Don’t really know where to begin this post with actually. Bleah! Stuck with words and too much is going on, up in my head.

Okie, I fine! My sincere SORRY to ipkaw, zoe and cp who have been trying to catch with me lately. Im really sorry guys! Im just fucking caught up with school work and stuffs. I promise to meet you guys soon at least for lunch or whatever yeah!

Sorry to Jane too! Yeah, haven been chatting much lately with you either!

Sorry to Thinesh three! Boo, really sorry for not contacting you yeah?!

That’s enough of “Sorry”-ies I had to say.

I just need to whine it all out! As I unexpectedly expected, my Mid Year Examinations Results are Terrible. ESEEU (that’s what I got, grades). I’m back at where I started. I thought I’m improving but results speak otherwise. I did study for exams; let’s see, for two weeks or so? Not maximum effort but I did at least put in some and well, at least for that I got what I deserve –I freaking need to comfort myself with this excuse. Actually to be dead honest, I’m overly concerned and worried. How am I going to take A’Level like that? And ARGH! At such a pathetic state No university around the world will admit me! Fuck la. Don’t know la. Maybe I’m just too stupid for intellectual thinking and etc. Crap. It sucks to feel stupid. It utterly sucks. Really am paranoid and disturbed by it. I can’t don’t care anymore. 3months left. I need to produce miracles. I will do what I need to do but I need a lot of support and discipline-which I obviously lack-not forgetting my bloody determination. School is really taxing nowadays with Lots of Practice papers to be completed everyday and late dismissal from lessons just makes me TIRED. I don’t have time but I have to find time. “Should I U-turn?” I don’t know! I honestly don’t want to stay in that school for another freaking year! I don’t want to go through ALLL OF IT again. I do not know where I’m heading! Actually, I know my stuffs! just that I don’t produce them there and then. Fuck la. I will just STUDY and be exam smart la.

Besides I really hate to see the big Disunity among people in school or should I directly say my CLASS. Should I be expecting more from you guys? It’s always good to forgive one another and I think everyone deserve a second chance. Whatever la. At least if you guys are there for one another then school or this bloody exam stress won’t be so bad! We don’t really have much time left but I do hope everyone makes a good memory out of it. I really am neutral at this point of time. On my part, I have apologised to who I need to. In any case Sorry Dinesh, Sorry Praveena, Sorry Ron, Sorry Vanessa, and Sorry Darren, once again. Don’t know la. Just hope everything goes smooth in school. It really sucks right now! Don’t know how you people can live like nothing is happening when everything is falling apart.

Ah, I don’t know what more to whine about! Ah! I had to squeeze this post while I’m tuition-ing! How terrible of me! I’m really miss some-people, particularly two of them. Aiyeah, you should know who are ah. Just a kind request! Meet up with me often before I start fasting in a month? Please? I honestly miss you two. I just can’t express or find time to talk to you two. Hope you understand eh? Just the two of you! Haha! And to everyone, just meet me up before I start fasting cos from then on I have fasting, daily night prayers, prelims and A’s to attend too.

And before I finish whining I hope you guys understand when I don’t keep in touch much or cant meet you guys much from latter days/weeks yeah? Nevertheless I will try my very best to be awesomely normal yeah?! Thanks people.

Get in touch with me boy oh boy.